Lihim

Nagmamasid lang sa isang sulok

Wala kang kaalam-alam

Minamasdan ang iyong kilos at matamis na ngiti

Doon pa lang, ako’y kuntento na

Nakakahawa ang iyong mga halakhak

Ang puso ko’y galak na galak

Papalapit sayo, para akong itinutulak

Pintig nito’y tila ang lupa’y mabibiyak

Di ko namamalayan

sa iyo ako ay aliw na aliw

Napapangiting mag-isa

na para bang isang baliw

Ano nga bang meron sayo

na kinahuhumalingan ko?

Bakit ba ikaw ang laman

ng puso’t isipan?

Sabi ko sa sarili ko ayaw ko na

ayaw ko ng masaktan pa

Kaya ayaw kong umasa

Ayaw ko ng magsayang ng luha

Mahal na mahal parin kita

Pero ayaw ko ng magmukhang tanga

Mas mabuting pang itago na

ang pag-ibig na nadarama

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

 

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

 

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

 

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

 

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

 

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Hindi Ko Alam, Bahala Na

July 15, 2014

 

 

 

Dear Stalker,

 

 

Bilib na bilib talaga ako sa mga taong nasa industriya ng pangmasang pagpapahayag ng mga balita o impormasyon para malaman ng taong-bayan ang kung ano-ano ang mga nangyayari sa ating lipunan. Hindi biro ang lakas ng loob o determinasyon na meron sila para makalap ang mga sariwa, tunay at patas na balita na walang halong opinyon ng buong tapang. Alam din naman natin siguro na nakasalalay din ang kanilang buhay subalit sige parin sila sa paghahatid satin ng impormasyon. Para sa akin, ang pagiging miyembro ng industriya ng media ay isang karangalan upang maibahagi mo ang kapiranggot ng iyong sarili at hindi para mismo makita sa harap ng kamera para magpasikat o makilala ng madla. Mapa-dyaryo man yan, entablado, radyo, telebisyon o sa likod ng kamera - malawak talaga ang mundo ng media. Gusto ko sana, kung papalarin, maging isang mamamahayag dahil maliban sa gusto kong maghatid ng kamalayan para mabuksan ang ating mga mata, lalong lalo na yung mga nasa posisyon at mamulat sila sa katotohanan at para sana kumilos sila at gawin nila ang nararapat, bagkus para magamit at maibahagi rin ang biyayang ipinagkaloob ng Diyos sa akin, maging inspirasyon at para na rin magpasaya ng tao. Wala akong kapangyarihan ibahin ang estado ng buhay nating lahat, pero in a way, alam kong magandang hangarin ito. Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na kahit kailan hindi ako magiging kasinghusay na tagapag-ulat o taga-sulat ng mga balita tulad na lamang ng mga hinahangaan ko. Di naman kasi ako matalino o nag-aaral sa isang kilalang-kilala na unibersidad. Sabagay, marami namang oportunidad ang Communications Arts.

 

Sa maniwala ka o sa hindi, pang-apat na kurso ko na ito at mula noon, alam kong ito na nga talaga ang para sa akin kahit na dini-discourage pa ako ng isang empleyado ng dati kong division na wag lumipat dahil bagsakan o tapunan daw ng mga mangmang yung division ko ngayon. Nangliit ako at inis na inis kasi ganun na lang ang tingin niya pala sa amin. Isipin mo na lang na lahat tayo ay may kakayahan at kahinaan. Lahat ng aspeto sa buhay ay importante. Isipin mo rin kung walang tamang komunikasyon, paano na lang tayo magkakaintindihan? Puro na lang ba miscommunication na maaaring mag-dulot ng away, tampuhan o giyera sa mas malala dahil sa di tamang pagkakaintindihan? Kung walang komunikasyon, edi wala na ring mga libro, dyaryo, komersyal, pelikula at kung ano-ano pang kaukulan na maaaring magpalawak ng ating kaalaman. Oo, parang kung walang kursong Engineering o Architecture, edi walang mga gusali o mga magagara at matitibay na inprastraktura? Kung walang kursong Edukasyon, edi wala tayong mga guro? Kung walang kursong Nursing, edi walang titingin o manggagamot sa mga may sakit? Kung walang kursong Accountacy, edi walang mag-ma-manage ng pera sa bangko? At marami pang iba’t ibang kurso. Kaya wala tayong karapatan maliitin ang iba’t ibang field ng propesyon na hindi natin napili. Masaya ako dahil pumayag na ang mga magulang ko at very supportive naman sila sa akin dahil pinagbigyan nila ang matagal ko ng hinihiling sa kanila. Gusto nila talaga ako maging nars o kumuha ng pre-med course o ng Information Technology at mag-medisina kasi wala raw pera sa Mass Communications. Pinagbigyan ko sila pero wala talaga dun yung puso ko. I somehow feel bad kasi di ko natupad yung gusto nila para sa akin at sayang din sa oras, enerhiya at pera pero di ko kasi talaga linya yun. (Hay, ang daming ‘kasi,’ ’but,’ o ‘pero.’ Ang daming dahilan. Haha) Sa kabilang banda, I felt somehow liberated and me doing something that I love. Passion kumbaga. Ayon nga sa isang kasabihan, kung mahal mo talaga ang ginagawa mo kahit mahirap (dahil wala namang madali), hindi ka na magtratrabaho buong buhay mo. (Sinalin ko lang yan sa wikang Filipino. Hehe)

 

Kung hindi ako magiging food/travel show host, documentary filmmaker, radio DJ o field reporter, pwede ako siguro maging public relations officer, (news)writer, copyreader, instructor, flight attendant, businesswoman o kumuha ng Law o Culinary Arts at marami pang iba. Kaya ayaw na ayaw ko magsalita ng patapos dahil baka kainin ko rin pala yung mga pinagsasasabi ko. Tignan na lang natin. Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung anong meron ang tadhana para sa akin. But I’m pretty sure that this is my calling. Lakas ng apog ko ‘no? Tapos pagkagraduate, sa kangkungan lang din pala ang bagsak ko. Hehehe Ayaw ko rin kasing nag-e-expect ng kung ano-ano sa akin. Basta I’ll just do my job or what I have to do. Naku, ano ba ‘yan? Bente-anyos na ako, ganito parin? Ayayay! Saludo rin ako sa mga taong simula’t sapul alam na nila kung anong gusto nila sa buhay. Bahala na. (Alam ko, alam ko. Masama ang ‘bahala na’ attitude pero… Hay. Haha) Sino ba naman ako bilang isang estudyante, newbie, amateur, o beginner para magsalita ng parang alam ko na ang lahat? Na para bang nagyayabang, lalo’t lalo na wala pa akong napapatunayan at nararating? Pero nagpapasalamat talaga ako sa Diyos, sa mga mahal ko sa buhay at sa mga taong humubog at unti pang humuhubog sa akin bilang maging isang taong nararapat maging ako. Kung hindi dahil sa kanila, baka hindi ako maging sino man ako ngayon. Kahit papaano, alam ko may plano Siya sa ating lahat, maaaring ito’y kasing laki, lawak at lalim ng karagatan o kasing simple ng isang buto, lahat ng ito’y may rason. Pero take note na hindi ako umaasa. Whatever the future has in store for me, I’d gladly take it with open arms. Gagawin ko lang yung parte ko at ibubuhos ko ang atensyon ko sa kasalukuyan.

 

Malamang, wala naman sigurong nakakabasa nito kaya ibinuhos ko na lang talaga lahat-lahat ng nilalaman ng isipan at ng puso ko at maibahagi na rin sayo kung sakali mang napadpad ka lang sa blog ko (maliban na lang siguro kung sinusubaybayan mo ako). Pangarap ko lang naman ang mga ito. Di naman sigurong masamang mangarap kaya taasan ko na rin. Tutal, libre naman, ‘di ba? Wag mo akong seryosohin. Biro ko lang mga ito.

 

Pero maraming salamat sa paggugugol mo ng oras upang basahin itong liham ko. Paumanhin.

 

 

 

Lubos na nagmamahal,

Miss Peculiar

WWYD: If You Won The Lottery?

If I won the lotto, I’d put up a business and make investments to make it bigger and stable so I can share it through charitable cause. Of course I won’t just simply deposit everything in the bank and spend it like nothing, I have to secure it for the future and put it in good use. Maybe if everything is settled down or all is already stable like we have no more debts, I helped my family and I have everything I need - with no second thoughts, I’d give back to others so they can also grow successful through scholarship, livelihood and feeding programs. I won’t just simply give, give, give and give materialistic stuff. How will they stand on their own? I would like to quote this inspirational saying:

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; show him how to catch fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.

But I don’t ever want to have the final word. That’s just one of my dreams or goals that I wish to fulfill. hihi

Taking Credits

When I was in high school, two of my classmates took credit of my part in a “group” project for English class. I would have let it pass and unhold grudges if they recognized, said ‘thank you’ or just simply appreciate my effort and how we have something to submit. I’m thankful for meeting them despite of the anger I felt when they took credit of my work by taking it from me and presenting it without even telling our English teacher that they didn’t do a single thing to help build the theater box. They kept on discussing ideas without even asking for mine. I tried suggesting but it’s as if I don’t exist, getting cut-off like a pariah. They decided they want to create a puppet theater with puppets tied with strings and assigned me to do the theater box. When the submission day arrived, I found out I did my part and they didn’t. What’s a stage without characters? Deep inside my head, I kept telling them to stop finalizing ideas without even making them into reality.

At least from then on, I knew that I never want to be like them. I was a very shy girl in high school that I don’t have the courage to speak or stand for myself with fear of making things worse. They probably thought I was retarded that “I don’t feel or sense that I’m being taken for granted”. I used to keep my feelings to myself to the point where I got depressed. I also felt that my English teacher hated me while I felt jealousy that she only notices my two groupmates and praising my work as if it was really them who made it. I excused myself for the restroom and cried in the cubicle that time. I didn’t know what to do because I don’t want them embarrassed if I cried and opened up right then and there. Besides, two against one? Never mind. I’m the type who can’t bear to ask or pay someone else to do an assignment and claim it as my work when I know I can and must do. I know some classmates who do that where also my Science teacher doubted me if I’m like the others; if I really did my thesis when I submitted it. She asked me if I photocopied it because of the letters’ appearance. Of course not, the printer I used was a laser-type where it’s slowly wearing out from overuse which caused white strikethroughs. I’m not like that. I may not be smart but I’m not desperate enough to cheat. I worked hard for it, staying up late nights until the wee hours of morning to come up with a topic, experiment, research, organize, form, encode and print to complete my thesis until the said submission date. But I won’t disregard the fact of my acknowledgement with the help I got from Papa for searching a quality but worth spent hardbound bookbinder and a family friend who gave me a specimen from their backyard for free instead of buying other kinds and ended my search because I kept on searching anywhere but can’t find any. I’d rather get a low score from giving all my best than to be dishonest. How will I learn if I copied them? I’m so sensitive and juvenile, huh? But that was before. I cared too much. I’m already over it and every time I recall that time, I just laugh about what happened.

The funny thing is, being assigned as the negative or opposition, I had to rebut or contradict a case through essay form in my finals in public speaking about debate in college. If my memory serves me right, the statement goes something like this: “Plagiarism Should Be Penalized”. Since it is to test our ability whether to affirm or deny any given case and defend our appointment, we have to persuade the jury to approve our side. It was difficult for my part to defend something that isn’t actually in line with my views, but for the sake of following instructions, I have no choice but to “lie” since Lincoln-Douglas debate format is like a game where you have to hold ground in order to win however you disagree with your appointed side.

Aside from already knowing that taking credits is wrong since the beginning, I learned how much it hurts for somebody else to take your work as if it’s theirs. In other words, it’s called ‘stealing’.

Lesson of the Day: “Abstract + Distraction = Abstraction”

image

July 4, 2014 - This marks the first time I accidentally ran over a dog despite of being on the right side of the highway. I would’ve slowed down beforehand if it moved but it stayed in the middle which I mistook as a garbage bag because of its all-black appearance until two orange beady eyes flashed. But it was too late for the brakes.


As a passenger observing the one holding the wheels, it has always been at the back of my head that dogs never stay in the middle of the road, most especially in highways. And if they do cross, they know what to do whether to stop or go. I was paranoid if I immediately swiveled to the sidewalk at the right, I might hit a person or a post; if I turned the wheel to the left, I might collide with an unexpected coming vehicle; and if I immediately pressed the brakes, the vehicle behind me would hit the car and hurt us - all of which are more dangerous.


As those familiar eyes reflected and the hump-like motion we felt, I realized it was actually a dog with an estimation that it’s larger than a cat. I was not given a protocol about unexpected things to stay in the middle of highways. Now feeling as the world’s most idiot driver. How could I not know that? Charge to experience instead. I’ve learnt my lesson and proved it when I avoided a sack at the further right of the road, mistaken it for another creature from being traumatized after the accident. It was an honest mistake. May this serve as a reminder to me aside from other crossing creatures, stubborn bicycles and other vehicles without reflectors. I feel really bad whether if I have killed it or not with the fact I’ve never killed animals in my entire life (except for insects). Didn’t stop for it and drove ahead. All I could offer is a prayer and an apology. I’m sorry. :(

Note to self when on the road: relax but never be confident and always stay alert. #defensivedriver